Have you ever wondered how Disney Princesses stay in shape? Perhaps you would like to know how your workouts stack up against Merida, Cinderella, or Tiana’s. Wonder no more! Fitocracy is pleased to present the Ultimate Guide to Disney Princess Workouts.
Aurora (a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty)
Let’s be real. Sleeping Beauty’s workout is pretty much useless. She’s asleep for a lot of the story, and even if she’s not actively snoozing, she’s not exactly getting her heart rate up. Walking with someone once upon a dream barely counts as light walking. That said, it’s a pretty good baseline for a Disney Princess Rest Day, so we’ll let it slide.
Anna & Elsa
[Ed. note: as of publication, Anna & Elsa aren’t “technically” part of the Disney Princesses™ lineup. But we all know it’s going to happen, right? Plus, with the Winter Olympics fresh in our memories, it would be sad to leave them out.]
Here we have the literal queens of winter sport. Although we don’t really have “constructing super cool ice castles out of thin air and pure emotion” in our workout database, we can insinuate some of what these ladies do during the natural winters in Arendelle.
Anna strikes me as having a “go out and get some fresh air” kind of a workout style, while Elsa probably hangs out in her room-turned-ice rink, practicing throwing curling stones for hours on end or “letting it go” on a downhill ski slope.
Yet another victim of circumstance, Jasmine finds herself stuck inside the palace most of the time. That said, she’s clearly a fairly accomplished free-runner with experience with track and field.
Take it from Jasmine: if your father’s controlling attitude has you climbing the walls, go ahead and literally climb the walls.
Plus, you know Jasmine has one of the best acroyoga routines out there, assisted by Aladdin’s magical yoga mat. I mean, flying carpet.
Poor Cinderella. She has an incredibly demanding job (or… indentured servitude) and really has very little time to get away. Our poor Cinderella has fallen into the trap that so many of us do: de-prioritizing health and well-being in favor of the demands of work and family. And boy, she does have a particularly demanding family.
Once Cinderella changes careers and, you know, becomes a princess, we can only hope that she can bring some balance back into her life. In the meantime, we can’t really recommend Cinderella’s workout to anyone.
Let this be a lesson to us all: it is difficult to get a good workout in while simultaneously reading and singing. I mean, who hasn’t set up on the elliptical with a good romance novel and a sweet playlist, but before you know it, the workout is getting in the way of character development and you find yourself taking a break at the water fountain, singing to your sheep buddies.
Maybe that’s just Belle and me.
Another pro-tip: having an awesome cadre of animate objects to prepare meals for you may cut down on the time you need to spend meal planning, but that only helps if you take advantage of that opportunity and free time to work out.
And no, Stockholm Syndrome does not count as a workout.
First things first: Tiana’s got her diet plan Figured. Out. She’s the best cook in New Orleans, always makes sure to get plenty of protein (mmm shrimp gumbo), and knows when to top her carbs and fat off with a glistening pile of her famous beignets.
Tiana doesn’t exactly have a lot of equipment; as a small business owner she spends most of her time at work. Her workout is focused mostly on body weight work and the work she can do at the restaurant.
Tiana knows the value of hard work (she’s On Her Way, after all), and she’s not afraid to pour her soul into something. So long as she takes Mama Odie’s advice and doesn’t overtrain, she’ll be fine.
Hey, Snow White, guess what? Whistling while you work, but actually having your woodland friends and roommates do most of the work for you doesn’t actually get you very far, fitness-wise. Mining by proxy doesn’t get you anywhere either.
That said, you do spend a lot of time running around (usually fleeing). You’re a decent sprinter and a passable trail runner, so you’ve got that going for you.
Also, and I’m talking directly to you here, Snow, you may want to look into a Keto diet. Avoiding fructose will probably have a drastic positive impact on your health.
Gotta hand it to Rapunzel. Unlike all the other princesses who are victims of circumstance, Rapunzel has a ton of free time on her hands, and she rises to the occasion. After all, she’s trapped in a tower without access to running trails or a proper weight set. But with some determination and 70 feet of tresses at her disposal, she makes it work.
Plus, you better believe she gets in some practice swings with that cast-iron skillet of hers. Who knows when she’ll have to pinch hit in a softball league or smash an intruder’s face in?
Oh man, what doesn’t Pocahontas do? She runs the hidden pine trails of the forest, tastes the sunsweet berries of the Earth, rolls in all the riches all around her, and for once never wonders what they’re worth. (Let that be a lesson to us: workout time is no time to be dwelling on our finances.)
She paddles in a river that’s always changing, she understands English with absolutely zero prior instruction, she paints with all the colors of the wind, she climbs trees, she talks to trees… okay, some of those don’t really count for points in a workout.
(Neither does “starring in a completely historically inaccurate portrayal of the Jamestown Settlement and Powhatan Tribe” or “choosing a ‘path’ that ultimately ends in genocide for your own people” and it turns out I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MOVIE, OKAY?)
From the Highlands of Scotland comes Merida, the fire-maned rockstar princess! She does it all, from horseback riding to climbing rocks to archery to accidentally turning family members into members of the ursine family. And while “being stupid while talking to witches” is definitely not an activity on Fitocracy, “shooting for your own hand in marriage” is!
That said, although she is very active, not everything Merida does is recommended. For instance, always use proper safety equipment when climbing insane cliffs. Also, if wisps tempt you to leave the trail while hiking in the woods, and I can’t emphasize this enough, do not follow them. They might lead you to your fate, they might lead you to a witch’s cabin where you are forced to strike a weird-ass bargain. Look, we’re just trying to keep everyone human.
What can we say about Ariel beyond swimming, swimming, swimming? As much as Ariel wants to “be where the people are,” we agree with Sebastian: she’s got a great thing going. Swimming is one of the best forms of cardio out there. “Flipping your fins you don’t get too far,” Ariel? Really? We have some fantastic swimmers on Fitocracy who might take umbrage at that.
No question: Mulan is the best Disney princess. We could qualify that by saying she’s the best “in terms of Fitocracy points” or in the best shape, but no. Listen up: we saved the best for last.
Okay, sure Mulan is the best in terms of fitness. She goes from being a relatively in-shape (if overly clumsy) girl out in the Chinese country-side to literally being the top soldier in the Chinese army. And how did she get there? Cunning, wits, and a ton of working out.
Look: the workout below comes from just the musical number. You know the one. Ironically patriarchal, insanely catchy, and a showcasing a really, really good workout?
Beyond all that, Mulan overcomes the greatest odds to defeat the greatest foe of any princess. She lays a kung fu smackdown on a freakin’ Hun warlord, not to mention burying an ENTIRE ARMY in an avalanche. In fact, the Emperor himself said it best: “I’ve heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father’s armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and… you have saved us all.”